I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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