He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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