they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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