physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
