i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
