I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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