My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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