I hope mine doesn't look like that
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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