i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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