SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
