I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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