i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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