her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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