Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
