this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
