so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
