Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize