The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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