dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
