I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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