I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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