he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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