tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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