I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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