that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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