summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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