so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
