Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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