I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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