My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
