And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
