He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm too high and old for this...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
