Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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