You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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