It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
