Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just high enough for therapy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
