Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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