Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
