Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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