the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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