She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
