The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
