you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
