New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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