I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this boner is exhausting
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
