just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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