Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
