Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
