before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
