I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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