They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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