Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
