my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
