I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
