Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
