my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
