4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my shit smells like andre
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
