ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
