So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
