his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
