i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
